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You ever notice how everything nowadays has to be longer? I mean, look at movies - back in the day, you had a solid 90 minutes and you were out of there. Now, they're like, "Here's a three-hour epic. It's longer, so it must be better, right?" I'm starting to think they're just trying to see if we'll sit through anything. And don't get me started on commercials. Used to be 30 seconds, now they're like, "We need five minutes to tell you about this vacuum cleaner. It has settings for carpets, hardwood floors, and your emotional well-being." I'm waiting for a commercial break during a movie - "And now, a word from our sponsors: the complete history of vacuum cleaners."
Even relationships are supposed to be longer. They're like, "You've been dating for a year? Well, that's cute. Call me when you hit the five-year mark." It's like we're in a competition to see who can endure each other's quirks the longest. Can't we just enjoy the honeymoon phase without worrying about the seven-year itch?
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Have you ever had to call tech support? It's like signing up for a lecture series on the history of binary code. You just want to know why your printer won't work, and suddenly you're knee-deep in a troubleshooting manual that rivals "War and Peace." And they always start with the basic questions. "Is it plugged in?" "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Yes, Karen, I'm not calling because I forgot to plug in my printer. I'm calling because I need your tech wizardry to fix this technological black hole that's eating my documents.
And don't even think about hanging up and trying again. You get a different person, but they're reading from the same script. It's like they all went to the same tech support school where they teach you to be long-winded and utterly unhelpful. I miss the good old days when you could just smack a malfunctioning device, and it miraculously started working again.
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Let's talk about texting. It used to be quick and to the point. Now, people are sending me novels. I'm scrolling through my messages like I'm reading "War and Peace" on a tiny screen. "Hey, how are you?" turns into a 17-page life update. I didn't sign up for the audiobook version of your day. And emojis, don't even get me started. If your text has more emojis than words, we have a problem. I'm decoding hieroglyphics like I'm trying to unlock the secrets of the ancient text of your lunch plans. I miss the days when a smiley face was enough to convey happiness. Now we need a whole emoji story to express an emotion.
And then there's the anticipation of waiting for someone to reply to your text. You send a message, and it's like waiting for the final season of your favorite show. "Will they respond? Or will I be left on 'read' forever?" It's a text, not a cliffhanger. Let's keep the drama on Netflix.
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Why do we have to wait in line for everything? It's like life is one big queue, and we're just standing there, contemplating our life choices. Grocery store lines, traffic jams, waiting for your turn at the DMV - it's the real-world version of waiting for the next season of your favorite show. And don't even get me started on automated phone systems. "Your estimated wait time is 45 minutes." Great, I could watch a whole sitcom episode by the time someone picks up. They should have a service where they call you back when it's your turn. "Press 1 if you want a callback in 20 minutes, press 2 if you have nothing better to do with your life."
But the worst is the waiting room at the doctor's office. You're surrounded by outdated magazines, old people coughing, and that one kid who keeps touching everything. It's like a breeding ground for impatience. I swear, by the time the doctor sees me, I've already self-diagnosed three different rare diseases just to pass the time.
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