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Toothpaste commercials claim that the longer you brush, the better. So now, I'm in front of the mirror, feeling like a dental warrior on a quest for the perfect smile. I've got a strategy, a battle plan, and minty fresh breath as my reward.
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You know you're an adult when your shopping list keeps getting longer, but it's not filled with cool stuff. It's just an endless scroll of household necessities. I miss the days when my shopping list consisted of snacks and video games.
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You ever notice how the "snooze" button on your alarm clock feels like a time machine that only takes you five minutes into the future? It's the most tempting yet deceitful feature. Spoiler alert: hitting snooze doesn't magically extend your sleep.
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Remember when a phone call meant a quick chat? Now, every call turns into a marathon. I start with, "Hey, how are you?" and suddenly find myself listening to someone's life story. I need a snack and a comfortable chair before making a call these days.
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Have you seen the grocery store receipts lately? They used to be these tiny slips of paper. Now, they're practically scrolls. I feel like I should unroll it dramatically at home, revealing the ancient secrets of my shopping adventures.
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Elevator rides seem to take longer when you're in there with someone you barely know. It starts with a polite nod, then an awkward smile, and suddenly you're analyzing the elevator music together like it's some profound piece of art.
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The time it takes for a microwave to heat up food is the longest minute ever. I put my leftovers in there, press start, and suddenly it's a time warp. I could've sworn I aged a year waiting for that popcorn.
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You ever notice how emails are getting longer and longer? I mean, they're starting to feel like novels. I click on an email, and suddenly I'm in an epic saga. By the time I reach the end, I expect a plot twist and maybe a movie adaptation!
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My TV remote has more buttons than a spaceship control panel. I just wanted to change the channel, not launch a satellite. I spend more time figuring out which button turns on the subtitles than actually watching the movie.
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