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Why was the filmmaker always calm at the Oscars? Because he knew how to stay in the frame of mind!
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What do you call an awards show for doors? The Doorkars – they really know how to make an entrance!
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Why did the Oscar go to therapy? It had too many issues with its golden self!
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Why did the movie director bring a ladder to the Oscars? Because he wanted to take his film to the next level!
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Why did the actor bring a pencil to the awards ceremony? In case he needed to draw some attention!
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Why did the film editor win an Oscar? Because he knew how to cut to the chase!
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Why did the actor bring a ladder to the red carpet? Because he heard the roles were up there!
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Why did the actress break up with her Oscar? It was too much of a golden statuette!
The Oscars 2022: A Night of Glitz, Glam, and More Political Speeches Than a Family Thanksgiving
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You know, I watched the Oscars this year, and I gotta say, it was like attending a family dinner where Uncle Oscar just couldn't resist turning every toast into a political manifesto. I mean, I tuned in for the awards, not a crash course in global affairs. At one point, I thought I accidentally switched to a TED Talk channel.
The Oscars 2022: Where the Real Winner Is the Person Who Can Pronounce 'Cinematography' Correctly
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I was watching the Oscars, and they kept throwing around words like 'cinematography' and 'mise-en-scène.' I had to Google the pronunciation, and I still don't think I'm saying them right. I bet half the audience was secretly hoping they'd just stick to categories like 'Best Actor' and 'Best Snack Bar.
Oscars 2022: The Only Place Where the Orchestra Plays You Off Faster Than Your Tinder Date
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You ever notice how the orchestra at the Oscars plays people off stage if their speeches go on too long? It's like the musical equivalent of being ghosted on a date. Sorry, your time is up, and we've got more important things to do, like play 'Happy' to drown out your heartfelt thank-yous.
The Oscars 2022: Where the Red Carpet Had More Drama Than Most Soap Operas
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The red carpet at the Oscars was wild. It had more drama than a season finale of my favorite soap opera. There were so many designer outfits; I thought I accidentally stumbled into a fashion show. I was just waiting for someone to rip off their gown and reveal a hidden talent like interpretive dance or juggling.
The Oscars 2022: Where the Snubs Were More Surprising Than My Last Relationship
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The Oscars had some serious snubs this year. I haven't seen that many people ignored since my high school cafeteria. I mean, did the academy accidentally leave some films in the reject bin? I'm starting to think my grandma has better taste in movies than these folks.
And the Award for the Longest Acceptance Speech Goes to... My Ability to Stay Awake During the Oscars 2022
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Did anyone else watch the Oscars? I swear, some of those acceptance speeches were longer than the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. By the time they finished thanking their third-grade drama teacher, I had aged three years. I was hoping for a time limit, like, Wrap it up or we'll play the 'Jaws' theme to drown you out.
Oscars 2022: Where the Acceptance Speeches are Longer Than the Movie Plots
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I don't know about you, but after watching the Oscars, I feel like I've seen every nominee's life story, childhood pets, and favorite pizza toppings. It's like, Congratulations on the award, now can we get a summary of your speech in under 140 characters? I have a bedtime, you know.
Oscars 2022: The Only Place Where 'And the Winner Is...' Feels Like a Lifetime Achievement Award for the Nominees
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They build up to announcing the winners at the Oscars like it's the most suspenseful moment in human history. I haven't seen that much anticipation since waiting for my pizza delivery. And when they finally say, And the winner is... I expect a drumroll, confetti, and maybe a marching band to celebrate the achievement.
Watching the Oscars 2022: A Lesson in Clapping Like You Care About Categories You've Never Heard Of
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The Oscars teach you a valuable skill: how to clap enthusiastically for categories you've never even heard of. They'll announce something like 'Best Sound Editing,' and I'm sitting there clapping like I know the intricacies of manipulating sound waves. Spoiler alert: I don't. But it's all about the effort, right?
At the Oscars 2022, Even the Envelopes Were Sealed Tighter Than My Snacks During the Show
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You ever notice how they open the envelopes at the Oscars? It's like trying to break into Fort Knox. I'm sitting there on the edge of my seat, thinking, Just rip it open already! I need to know if my predictions were right or if I need to reevaluate my entire existence.
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