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You've got to give it to the St. Louis Cardinals; they are the real MVPs of inconsistency. I mean, one season they're hitting home runs like it's a batting practice exhibition, and the next season, they're swinging and missing more than someone trying to flirt at a library. It's like the Cardinals are in a tumultuous relationship with success. One moment they're madly in love, and the next, they're breaking up and filing for baseball divorce. I can imagine the manager in the dugout yelling, "Come on, guys, we need some consistency!" And the players are just nodding like they're in a therapy session, saying, "We're working on it.
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I've met St. Louis Cardinals fans, and let me tell you, these folks are either eternal optimists or eternal pessimists—there's no in-between. You've got the optimists who are like, "This is our year! We're taking it all the way!" And then you've got the pessimists who are like, "We're doomed. It's all going downhill." It's like watching a psychological thriller every baseball season. The optimists experience the highs and lows, riding an emotional rollercoaster, while the pessimists are just sitting there saying, "I told you so" before the season even begins.
I bet therapists in St. Louis have a special rate for Cardinals fans during baseball season. They must have a support group for those who can't handle the stress. "Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm a Cardinals fan. I haven't slept in weeks because I'm convinced we're cursed.
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You know you're a St. Louis Cardinals fan when you can analyze a baseball game better than the ESPN analysts. I mean, these fans could spot a pitch that's a millimeter off from their couch while sipping on a cold one. It's like they have a secret hotline to the Cardinals dugout, giving play-by-play advice. "Hey, Matheny, I wouldn't go for a curveball now. Trust me, I've been watching the game from my living room, and I can sense these things." It's a whole new level of fandom where every fan thinks they could manage the team better than the actual manager.
And let's not even get started on the armchair umpires. I've seen Cardinals fans argue with the TV screen over a strike call like they have a PhD in umpiring. It's impressive, really. The St. Louis Cardinals: turning ordinary fans into baseball analysts since, well, forever.
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You ever notice how the St. Louis Cardinals are like that one friend who always talks a big game but disappears when it's time to deliver? I mean, seriously, these guys are the Houdinis of baseball. They make the playoffs vanish like it's some kind of magic trick. You know, every year, Cardinals fans are on the edge of their seats, biting their nails, thinking, "Maybe this is our year!" And then poof! The Cardinals pull a vanishing act, leaving fans scratching their heads and wondering if they accidentally wandered into a David Copperfield show.
I imagine the Cardinals front office has a secret playbook titled "How to Make Playoffs Disappear 101." Step one: Get everyone's hopes up. Step two: Just when they least expect it, vanish without a trace. It's like baseball's version of hide-and-seek, and the Cardinals are the reigning champions.
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