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I heard about this support group for the broken-hearted. You know, a place where people gather to share their tales of woe and console each other. It's like a sad version of Alcoholics Anonymous, but instead of saying, "Hi, I'm John, and I'm an alcoholic," it's more like, "Hi, I'm John, and my ex thinks I'm not emotionally available." I imagine the support group meetings are like group therapy, but with more tissues and less progress. They probably have a slogan like, "Together, we can wallow better!" It's a safe space where everyone's an expert at heartbreak, offering advice like, "You just need to find someone better!" Yeah, easier said than done when your heart is currently on life support.
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Have you ever noticed how the broken-hearted suddenly become profound philosophers? They start dropping wisdom like they're Confucius with a side of heartbreak. It's like they've earned a Ph.D. in Relationshipology from the University of Heartache. You'll hear them say things like, "Love is like a puzzle. Sometimes, you just can't find the right piece, and you end up with a picture of despair." Or my personal favorite, "Relationships are like socks. They're great at first, but eventually, one goes missing, and you're left with a drawer full of mismatched emotions."
I say we gather all these broken-hearted philosophers and put them in a room with a bottle of wine. Call it a symposium of sadness, where they can philosophize their way through heartbreak while the rest of us try to figure out if we should swipe left or right on the dating app.
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You ever notice how dating is like trying to assemble furniture from IKEA? You start with high hopes, thinking, "This looks easy, I got this!" But then, three hours later, you're sitting on the floor surrounded by pieces, and you're like, "What have I done?" That's basically how the broken-hearted approach dating. I mean, they say love is like a roller coaster, but for the broken-hearted, it's more like a broken-down merry-go-round. Round and round with the same sad horse, wondering if they'll ever get off this ride. And don't even get me started on the dating apps. It's like online shopping, but instead of a new gadget, you end up with emotional baggage.
So, the broken-hearted, they're out there swiping left and right, hoping to find someone who can fill the void in their heart. It's like a game of emotional Tetris – trying to fit the right piece into the emptiness. Spoiler alert: it usually ends with a full row of disappointment.
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I recently read about this new diet trend – it's called the "broken heart diet." Apparently, it's the most effective way to lose weight because nothing tastes as good as the salty tears of heartache. Forget about counting calories; just count the number of times you've replayed that breakup scene in your head. The broken-hearted, they have their own food pyramid. At the base, you have the "Ice Cream of Despair," followed by the "Pizza of Loneliness," and on top, the "Chocolate Cake of Regret." It's like a recipe for disaster, but hey, at least they're getting some emotional cardio every time they open the fridge.
I tried the broken heart diet once. Let me tell you, the only six-pack I got was from the excessive sobbing. I mean, who needs a gym when you can just jog the memory of your past relationships?
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