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I envy those skinny girls who can effortlessly slide into those super-skinny jeans. Meanwhile, I struggle just to fit into regular pants. It's like they're wearing denim, and I'm over here wrestling with a denim boa constrictor.
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Skinny girls at the gym are like gazelles, gracefully maneuvering through the machines. Meanwhile, I'm over here on the treadmill, looking less like a gazelle and more like a confused penguin trying to waddle its way to fitness.
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Skinny girls can effortlessly pull off that "just rolled out of bed" look. If I tried that, people would think I was auditioning for a zombie movie. "Hey, is the apocalypse happening, or did you just not have time to do your hair?
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Skinny girls at buffets are like elusive unicorns. They gracefully glide through the sea of food options, delicately selecting a tiny plate of quinoa, while the rest of us are building a mountain of mashed potatoes and gravy like we're constructing the eighth wonder of the world.
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You ever notice how every group of friends has that one "skinny girl" who can eat an entire pizza and still look like she just had a light salad? I mean, I finish a slice, and suddenly I look like I'm auditioning for a sumo wrestling competition.
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Skinny girls and I have a different approach to salads. For them, it's a choice. For me, it's a negotiation between the lettuce and my taste buds, and let's just say the lettuce isn't winning every time.
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Ever notice how skinny girls can eat a chocolate bar and somehow manage to maintain their ethereal glow? I eat a chocolate bar, and suddenly my face is shining like a beacon in the night. I call it the "chocolate-induced lighthouse effect.
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Skinny girls and I have a different definition of comfort food. For them, it's a light salad. For me, it's more like wrapping myself in a blanket made of pizza and saying, "Ah, this feels just right.
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You ever go shopping with a skinny girl? They grab an extra-small shirt and confidently say, "Oh, this will fit perfectly." Meanwhile, I'm holding an XL and thinking I might need a shoehorn to get into it.
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