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You ever notice how kids today are so technologically advanced? I mean, when I was a kid, the most advanced piece of technology we had in school was a pencil sharpener that would eat your pencil if you weren't careful. But now, these kids have calculators that can do everything! I tried helping my niece with her math homework the other day, and she pulls out this calculator that looks like it could launch a spaceship. I asked her, "What happened to good old-fashioned brainpower?" She looked at me like I just asked her to do calculus without a calculator.
And don't even get me started on the "counting on fingers" method. Apparently, that's so last century. Now it's all about pressing buttons and letting the machine do the work. I miss the days when the most complicated thing in a classroom was figuring out who stole your lunch from the communal fridge.
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So, they say if you can't sleep, you should count sheep. Classic advice. But let's be real, who has the patience for that? I tried it once, and I got to three sheep before I was like, "Screw this, I'd rather just stay awake." Now, apparently, there's a whole industry around helping people sleep. There are apps that play soothing sounds, devices that track your sleep cycles, and even smart mattresses that adjust the temperature to help you doze off. I miss the days when a warm glass of milk was considered high-tech.
And don't get me started on the sleep trackers. You wake up, and it's like, "Last night, you slept for six hours and 23 minutes. Congratulations, you're officially a sloth." I don't need my mattress judging me; I need it to let me sleep in peace.
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Parenting is a real trip, isn't it? It's like being a manager of a tiny, unpredictable company where you don't speak the language. And now, we're supposed to be calculators, too! You've got to calculate the right balance between discipline and love, and if you mess up the equation, you might end up with a tiny human plotting your downfall. Kids these days have all these extracurricular activities. When I was a kid, my extracurricular activity was trying not to get caught sneaking an extra cookie from the jar. Now, parents are scheduling playdates, piano lessons, and soccer practice for a five-year-old! I'm just over here trying to calculate the exact moment when it's socially acceptable to have a glass of wine.
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We're all guilty of procrastination, right? It's like a universal skill. But now, with smartphones, it's reached a whole new level. You've got all these apps that are supposed to help you stay organized and productive. There's a countdown for everything, from deadlines to how long it's been since you last exercised. I downloaded this app that's supposed to help you count the ways you procrastinate. Ironic, right? It's like, "Congratulations! You've wasted three hours scrolling through cat videos. Would you like a virtual gold star for your achievement?"
And don't even get me started on the notifications. "You haven't accomplished anything today." Thanks for the reminder, phone. I was trying to forget.
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