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You ever notice how alarm clocks are like overenthusiastic personal trainers? They start yelling at you to get up and seize the day, but all you want to do is press snooze and tell them, "Five more minutes, clock, five more minutes!
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You ever notice how the GPS voice gets all sassy when you miss a turn? "In 500 feet, make a legal U-turn. Oh, great, now we're taking the scenic route because someone can't follow directions.
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Let's talk about microwaves for a moment. Why do they have a 'Popcorn' button if it never gets the timing right? It's either half the bag is still a kernel party or you've created a smoke signal to alert the neighbors that dinner is ready.
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Have you ever noticed how the self-checkout at the grocery store turns into a full-blown IQ test? It's like, "Please place the item in the bagging area." Well, excuse me, robot, I thought we were bonding, but apparently, my bagging skills are not up to par.
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I realized I'm getting old when I started making noise when I bend down to pick something up. It's like my body's way of playing its own theme music – creaks and cracks included.
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. It's like, "Oh yeah, check out this bad boy. It's got a scrubbing side and a soft side. Living my best life!
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I love how the "Do Not Disturb" mode on phones is basically a way of saying, "I'm ignoring you, but in a technologically sophisticated manner." It's like the modern version of pretending to be invisible.
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Why is it that the moment you decide to vacuum your car, the weather decides it's the perfect time for a dust storm? You're there with your vacuum, and suddenly your car looks like it just came back from a dessert safari.
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I recently realized that my refrigerator is the most judgmental appliance in my house. Every time I open it, it's like, "Oh, you're back again? Shouldn't you be eating a salad or something?
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