17 College Graduates Jokes

Puns

Updated on: May 03 2025

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Why did the college graduate bring a mirror to the job interview? To reflect on their qualifications!
Why did the college graduate become a chef? They mastered the art of graduating cum laude!
I wanted to be a college professor, but I didn't make the grade!
Why did the college graduate become an astronaut? They wanted a job that's out of this world!
Why don't college graduates ever get lost? Because they always follow the degree signs!
What's a college graduate's favorite music genre? Financially independent!
What do you call a group of musical college graduates? The Note-worthy Alumni!

Commencement Confusion

I recently attended a college commencement ceremony. You know it's long when they start handing out diplomas, and the first graduate has a full-grown beard. I thought we were here to celebrate degrees, not evolution.

The College Graduate Dilemma

You know, being a college graduate is like having a VIP ticket to the adulting theme park. You enter with excitement, but suddenly realize all the rides are just different forms of paying bills and regretting your major.

Adulting 101

You know you're officially an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. It's the little things. And by little things, I mean the tiny victories that distract you from the fact that you still can't fold a fitted sheet.

The Great Communal Fridge Mystery

Living with roommates after college is like entering a mystery novel. The case of the missing milk, the curious disappearance of leftovers – it's a real-life whodunit. Sherlock Holmes would be proud, but he probably wouldn't touch that communal fridge with a ten-foot pole.

Late-Night Lessons

College taught me many valuable life skills, like how to survive on instant noodles and how to turn a 5-minute presentation into an epic saga. If I could put that on my resume, I'd be the CEO of a noodle company by now.

The Resume Struggle

Crafting a resume as a college graduate is like trying to write the perfect dating profile. You want to impress, so you embellish a bit, but deep down, you know your most significant skill is making a killer bowl of instant noodles.

The Student Loan Saga

Student loans are like that one friend who keeps reminding you of money you owe them. Except, in this case, it's the government, and they don't send friendly reminders; they send debt collectors. Cheers to adulting!

Degrees in Procrastination

College graduates, we have degrees in procrastination. We perfected the art of waiting until the last minute to start our assignments. I once wrote a 10-page paper in two hours. It was basically a literary masterpiece called Caffeine and Desperation.

Majors and Minors

Choosing a major is like picking a flavor at an ice cream shop. At first, it seems like a great idea to go for something exotic, but in the end, you usually settle for vanilla with a sprinkle of regrets.

Dress for Success

They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have. As a college graduate, I'm dressing for the job that will accept my online application without asking for five years of experience for an entry-level position.

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