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Joke Types
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Why did the computer take so long to start a relationship? It had too many unresolved issues!
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Why did the mathematician stay up all night? He was working on his long division!
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Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up for too long!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field for the longest time!
Longest Relationship Argument
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My girlfriend and I recently had the longest argument ever. It started with Who left the toilet seat up? and somehow ended with a debate on the meaning of life. I didn't even remember what we were arguing about, but I'm pretty sure I lost.
Longest Wait for Pizza Delivery
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Ordered a pizza the other night, and it felt like the longest wait ever. I called them to check on it, and they said it was on its way. I asked, From where? Italy? I'm pretty sure Christopher Columbus discovered my pizza before it got to my doorstep.
Longest Drive-Thru Experience
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I went through a fast-food drive-thru, and it turned into the longest drive-thru experience ever. I'm pretty sure they were raising the chickens out back and baking the buns from scratch. By the time I got my order, I felt like I should've earned a degree in fast-food patience.
Epic Longest Weekend
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Last weekend, I thought I'd have the longest weekend ever. I had plans to binge-watch every series on Netflix, try every recipe on YouTube, and maybe even attempt to break a Guinness World Record. Spoiler alert: I ended up napping for 48 hours straight.
Longest Search for the TV Remote
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I lost the TV remote the other day, and the search felt like the longest expedition in history. I checked the sofa cushions, under the furniture, and even called in a detective. Turns out, it was in my hand the whole time. I blame it on my newfound career as a remote magician.
World's Longest To-Do List
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I decided to make a to-do list for the week, and it turned out to be the world's longest to-do list. I had tasks on there that I'd been avoiding since the '90s. I looked at it and thought, Well, I guess it's time to learn to play the accordion and figure out cold fusion.
Longest Meeting Ever
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I attended a meeting at work that felt like the longest meeting in the history of meetings. It was so long that the janitor came in and changed the calendar twice. At one point, I think I aged faster than the cheese in the breakroom fridge.
The Longest Grocery List
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I went grocery shopping with the longest grocery list imaginable. I swear, by the time I reached the checkout, I was on a first-name basis with the cashier, and we were planning a weekend getaway. My grocery list had more chapters than some novels!
The Longest Selfie
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You know, I tried taking a selfie the other day, but it turned into the longest selfie ever. By the time I got the right angle, I had a full beard, my phone was outdated, and the background had changed to a historical monument. I call it the Evolution of Selfie.
Longest Checkout Line
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I was in the supermarket the other day, and I found myself in the longest checkout line imaginable. I had time to write my autobiography, learn a new language, and plan my retirement. I even started a book club with the people in line behind me. We finished three novels before reaching the cashier!
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