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You know you've got a good housekeeper when they leave a little note saying, "I cleaned under the couch cushions. You're welcome." And you're like, "Wait, there's supposed to be something under there other than crumbs and lost remote controls?
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Housekeepers have this sixth sense for identifying the one dish you've been avoiding in the sink. I swear they have a PhD in Dish Detection. I thought I was being stealthy, but she zeroed in on that lone plate like a homing missile.
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Housekeepers are basically professional detectives. They can tell what went down in your house just by the mess. "Hmm, overturned cereal box, scattered LEGO bricks, and a trail of chocolate fingerprints. Looks like a breakfast crime scene. I better get to work.
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You ever notice how your housekeeper can find things you've been looking for for weeks in a matter of minutes? I'm convinced they have a secret pact with the lost sock underworld.
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My housekeeper has this magical ability to arrange things so perfectly, it's like living in a catalog. I open my closet, and I'm like, "Wow, I didn't know my clothes could look this organized... or that I even owned this many matching hangers!
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Ever notice how your house looks pristine when the housekeeper leaves, but as soon as the kids come home, it's like a tornado of toys and chaos? It's like my house is stuck in a before-and-after photo, but it only lasts for about 10 minutes.
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I tried to help my housekeeper once, you know, to be a good host. She gave me a mop, and I stared at it like it was an alien artifact. She just laughed and said, "Don't worry, sweetie, you just hold it and pretend you're dancing.
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I asked my housekeeper if she could teach me her cleaning tricks. She said, "It's all about strategy." Now, my strategy is to watch her clean while I strategically sip my coffee and strategically cheer her on.
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I thought about giving my housekeeper a raise, but then I realized that might lead to higher expectations. I can already hear her saying, "Sir, I've organized your spice rack alphabetically. That'll be double this week.
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