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Hire hitman"? Really? I can't even hire a reliable plumber, and now someone thinks I can handle hiring a hitman? I'd probably end up with a hitman who's late, overcharges, and leaves a mess at the crime scene.
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I showed that note to my friend, and he said, "Maybe they meant 'hire a hitman' for your stand-up career." I was like, "Oh, so my comedy is killing, but they want someone else to do it? Fair enough, I guess. Can't argue with outsourcing.
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Imagine having a hitman on speed dial – like, "Hey, can you take care of my noisy neighbors? They play their music way too loud. Oh, and make it look like an accident, please.
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I showed the note to my therapist, and she said, "Maybe it's a metaphorical hitman, like eliminate negativity from your life." I appreciate the positivity, but I was hoping for more of a "hire a life coach" suggestion than a hitman.
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You ever get a note that makes you question your life choices? I got one that said "hire hitman." I mean, come on, I can't even decide what to have for breakfast without overthinking it. Now they want me to plan a whole hit? I can't even hit a high note in the shower!
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You know you're leading an exciting life when your reminders include things like "pay bills," "schedule dentist appointment," and "hire hitman." I guess I'll add it to my calendar between "yoga class" and "grocery shopping." Priorities, right?
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I thought about framing that note and putting it on my wall as a reminder to live life dangerously. But then I thought, "Maybe I should frame a picture of a puppy instead – it's a lot less likely to land me in jail.
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I asked my mom for advice on the note, and she said, "Just ignore it, dear." I'm like, "Mom, this isn't a Facebook friend request – it's a potential felony!
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So, I'm thinking about this note, right? "Hire hitman." I don't know about you, but my decision-making process is more like, "Should I order pizza or Chinese tonight?" I can't imagine sitting down with a hitman, going over a menu of options like, "Do you want the 'silent but deadly' package or the 'quick and painless' special?
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