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Cat scans, the only time a medical procedure sounds like it involves whiskers and a tail. I went in expecting purring, but all I got was a loud humming and a bill.
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I had a cat scan recently, and I couldn't help but feel like my insides were being judged. "Well, sir, your liver seems a bit lopsided, and your kidneys definitely need more attention.
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I asked the technician during my cat scan if they could check for a sense of direction while they were at it. I swear, I get lost in a parking lot; my internal GPS must be on the fritz.
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Cat scans are the only time I've been jealous of my cat. She gets to nap all day, and when I try, it's called laziness. But when she naps, it's a cat scan; it sounds so much more important.
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Cat scans always make me nervous. I mean, what if my organs are having a party in there and I just interrupted them with a scan? "Sorry, guys, party's over – the doctor needs a closer look at my spleen.
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You ever notice how a cat scan sounds like something feline, like a tabby doing yoga or a Siamese practicing mindfulness? "Meow-maste" as they say.
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Cat scans are like the VIP backstage pass to your own body. "Here's your liver, and coming up next, your spleen – it's the opening act for the main attraction, your heart!
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I asked the doctor if I could get a copy of my cat scan. I thought it might be a cool screensaver. Imagine someone asking, "Is that your kidney on your computer?" "Yeah, it's my best organ – really brings out the desktop background.
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Why do they call it a cat scan? I mean, my cat never stays still long enough for anyone to scan her. Maybe it should be called a "toddler-throwing-a-tantrum" scan – that's more accurate.
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