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You know, kids these days are so fascinated by the ocean. I mean, when I was a kid, the most exciting thing about water was avoiding the deep end of the pool. Now, it's all about the ocean. My nephew comes up to me the other day and says, "Uncle, do you know how deep the ocean is?" I'm like, "I don't know, kid, deeper than my student loan debt, that's for sure." But these kids, they watch these documentaries about the ocean, and suddenly they're marine biologists. My niece starts dropping facts on me like, "Did you know the anglerfish has this glowing lure to attract prey?" I'm just trying to figure out how she knows more about marine life than she does about finishing her vegetables.
And don't get me started on the ocean's mysteries. They're always talking about the Bermuda Triangle, like it's some kind of magical portal. I tried explaining that to my boss when I was late for work. "Sorry, boss, got caught in the Bermuda Triangle traffic. GPS didn't even work; it just kept saying 'Turn around when possible.'
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You ever notice how kids are always afraid of missing out on something? My nephew is terrified of missing the tide. He's like, "Uncle, what if I miss the tide, and all the cool shells are gone?" I'm thinking, "Kid, you've got more shells in your room than a hermit crab Airbnb." And they watch these shark documentaries, thinking they'll encounter a shark in their bathtub. I had to reassure my niece that sharks don't commute to suburbia for a midnight snack. She was like, "But what if they have a GPS?" I'm like, "The only thing sharks are finding in my neighborhood is a sale at the fish market.
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You know, kids think the ocean has some mystical power. My daughter tells me, "Dad, if you put a seashell to your ear, you can hear the ocean." I try it, and all I hear is the sound of my own disappointment. I'm like, "Honey, if I wanted to hear the ocean, I'd just play a recording. Plus, I can't hear anything over your brother's toy submarine." And then there's the sandcastle obsession. Kids spend hours building these intricate sandcastles, and the moment a wave comes, it's like Atlantis 2.0. My son is devastated, looking at the ruins, and I'm just thinking, "Welcome to real estate, kid. Location, location, location.
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So, my daughter comes home from school one day, all excited, talking about how they're learning about sea creatures. She says, "Dad, did you know there's a fish called the blobfish? It looks like a melted candle." I'm thinking, "Well, sweetheart, your room looks like a hurricane hit it, so let's not judge fish by their appearances." And then there's the starfish. My son goes, "Dad, did you know starfish can regenerate their arms?" I'm like, "Kid, if you could figure out how to regenerate the TV remote, we'd be onto something."
But the best part is snack time. These kids come up with the craziest snack ideas inspired by the ocean. My son asks for seaweed snacks. I'm like, "We have Goldfish crackers, isn't that ocean-themed enough?" He looks at me like I just suggested we snack on actual goldfish.
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