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I heard there's a secret society of c-section moms who have a special handshake. It's more of a belly bump than a handshake, really. They've got their own exclusive club, and the first rule is you don't talk about the episiotomy club.
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I overheard someone saying, "C-section babies are born with a silver scalpel in their hand." Well, that explains why they come out looking so confident. They've already mastered the art of cutting to the chase.
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C-sections are like the VIP entrance of childbirth. You bypass all the drama, the screaming, and the pushing. It's more like, "Excuse me, coming through, VIP baby on board. No need for the red carpet, just clear the way for the surgical team.
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I asked the doctor if they ever considered naming it a "C for Celebration section" because, you know, it's the birth of a new life. They didn't seem too amused, though. Tough crowd in the delivery room.
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They say c-sections are painless for the mother during the procedure. Yeah, right. It's like saying getting hit by a truck is painless because you won't feel it after the first few seconds. The recovery is a whole different comedy show.
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You ever notice how they call it a "c-section"? Like, they couldn't come up with a more discreet name for the whole procedure? It's not a C for candy, folks. It's more like a "let's cut this baby out" section. Maybe we could call it an "exit strategy birth.
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You know, they should have a frequent flyer program for c-section moms. Like, after three surgeries, you get a free spa day because, let's be honest, birthing babies through an incision deserves some perks.
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C-sections make me think of the ultimate reality TV show: "Surgical Showdown." Contestants race against time to deliver a baby through an incision, all while maintaining their cool. Spoiler: the baby always wins.
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So, I was in the delivery room for the c-section, and the doctor goes, "You want to see what's happening?" I'm thinking, "Sure, why not? It's not like I've ever seen a horror movie set in a hospital before." Spoiler alert: it's not popcorn-worthy.
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