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Being Asian comes with its own set of stereotypes. Apparently, we all know kung fu and have secret ninja skills. I can't count how many times people have asked me if I know martial arts. Sure, I know how to defend myself—with a can of pepper spray and a loud scream. But here's the thing, why do people assume I'm going to roundhouse kick them in the face? Maybe I'm more of a lover than a fighter. Maybe my superpower is making a killer bowl of ramen. Beware, villains, my ability to slurp noodles at an impressive speed is unmatched!
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Raise your hand if you know the Asian glow struggle! For those who don't, it's when your face turns redder than a lobster after a sip of alcohol. It's like having a built-in breathalyzer; my face is the indicator of how wild the night is going to get. But here's the real challenge: convincing people that I'm not having an allergic reaction to the booze. "No, I'm not about to pass out; I just had one sip of beer!" It's like my face is leaking classified information about my alcohol tolerance. I'm just trying to enjoy a drink without looking like I've been sunburned for a week.
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Let's talk about dim sum for a moment. You'd think it's a simple thing—small bites of deliciousness, right? Nope, it's a battleground for family debates. Every dim sum outing turns into a war zone of conflicting opinions. My mom will be like, "You have to try the shrimp dumplings; they're the best!" Then my dad jumps in with, "No way, the pork buns are the real stars." And there I am, caught in the middle, trying to diplomatically eat everything on the table.
It's like the United Nations of food, except instead of discussing world peace, we're arguing about who gets the last custard bun. Dim sum: bringing families together in a heated debate since forever.
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You ever notice how people always assume things about you based on your appearance? I'm Asian, and trust me, the assumptions are wild. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I'm a walking, talking translator. I can't tell you what that menu item means in seven different languages. I'm not Google Translate with a side of soy sauce. I'm just here to enjoy my meal, not host a linguistic seminar. But hey, it's not all bad. I've started making up translations just to mess with people. "Oh, this dish? It's a delicacy that can only be described as a dance party in your mouth." Watch them try to figure that one out.
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